


Shattered Glass

by StarshipCaptainCassian



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Car Accidents, Character Death, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss, graphic depictions of injuries, graphic depictions of sex, poor rafael
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:13:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28399764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarshipCaptainCassian/pseuds/StarshipCaptainCassian
Summary: Rafael Barba has a wonderful wife, a beautiful daughter, and a baby on the way. He couldn't be happier.Then, in one brief moment, Rafael's life is shattered into a million pieces.  A few months later, a knock on the door changes everything. Will Rafael be able to put the pieces of his life back together again?
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Rafael's Family

_ September 15, 2015  _

Rafael stared at the ceiling. Sleep wasn’t going to come. He sighed and glanced at the clock. 2:15 am. He sighed again, rolling over to lay on his side. He reached out to place his arm across Elizabeth, but his hand grabbed empty bed. He realized with a painful throb that he was alone in the apartment. No one was here. Not anymore. He sighed again, willing the tears away. He needed a scotch. 

Padding into the kitchen in his sock feet, Rafael poured himself a drink. Gulping it down in one swallow, he poured another. The apartment was dark without the whimsical llama- shaped night light providing a gentle glow from his daughter’s room. Usually, Rafael took comfort in the quiet time of the middle of the night, with his family sleeping peacefully around him. Now, the empty rooms felt oppressive. 

The drinks weren’t helping. He had to get out of here. 

_ May 9, 2015 _

The small bump jostled his hand ever so gently. Rafael smiled, pressing his hand into his wife’s swollen belly. She covered his hand with hers and ran her fingers through his hair. 

“I can feel the baby kicking, he’s so strong,” Rafael marveled.

Elizabeth laughed. “He’s especially strong at three in the morning. He kicks harder than Maricela did.” 

As if on cue, the curly-headed three-year-old wandered over to the couch, where Rafael was kneeling in front of his wife. She had her favorite book in one hand and Stuffy, her favorite stuffed llama, in the other. 

“Papa, read to me! Here!” She happily thrust the book into Rafael’s hands. He glanced down at the cover.  _ All Tutus Should Be Pink,  _ her favorite book. Maricela settled into Rafael’s lap and opened the book. Elizabeth watched from the couch, rubbing her belly absentmindedly as her husband read to their daughter. Once he finished, Maricela clapped her little hands together. 

“Again, Papa! Again!” 

“Do you want to read another book,  _ mi tesoro _ ?”

“No Papa, this one!” 

Rafael laughed. “Ok, this one it is!” 

He read the book a total of four times before Elizabeth relieved him by inviting Maricela to come feel the baby kicking. Rafael smiled as he watched his daughter press her little ear to his wife’s stomach, whispering “hello, baby” and patting the baby bump gently. 

“We should go see your mom tomorrow.” 

Elizabeth looked up from stroking Maricela’s hair and raised one eyebrow at her husband. 

“You want to go see my mom?” She smiled bemusedly. “Since when?” 

“Well, the baby will be here in six more weeks and I’d really rather you not drive that far while you’re that close to the due date. What happens if you get halfway there and go into labor?” 

Elizabeth considered. “Hmmm. I suppose you’re right, although six weeks is still a long time without seeing my mom. Perhaps we can go see her tomorrow, then invite her to come stay with us for a few days before the baby gets here.” 

Rafael nodded. “I’m sure she’d love to help with Maricela.” 

“Ok then. It looks like we have a plan. Maricela, do you want to go see Gran Gran tomorrow?” 

Maricela nodded excitedly. “Go see Gran Gran! Gran Gran loves Maricela!” 

Elizabeth laughed. “Yes, she does. And Mama and Papa do too.”

Maricela slid down from the couch and retrieved Stuffy from Rafael before returning to her mama. Climbing back up onto the couch, she began babbling to Elizabeth, who answered the toddler back with an amused expression. 

At that moment, watching his family, Rafael knew he’d never been happier. 


	2. Nice to Meet You, Rafael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rafael finds a drinking partner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been updated, 12-29-20.  
> TW: Graphic depictions of consensual sex at the end of this chapter

_September 15, 2015_

Rafael Barba, ADA, found himself outside of Frank’s Place, a local dive bar and one of the only places open at this time of night that was within walking distance. He needed noise and alcohol, something to drown out the loneliness and despair threatening to swallow him whole. 

Entering the bar, he took a seat without bothering to remove his coat and ordered a scotch, double. Rafael stared at the grimy counter and waited for his drink. 

“Hey stranger, rough night?” 

Rafael glanced up to find a woman standing next to him, head cocked to the side. She raised one eyebrow inquisitively. Elizabeth used to do that. 

Rafael nodded and took a deep swig of his drink. “You could say that.” 

The woman sat down beside him. “Mind if I join you? I could use a drinking partner and you look like you need another drink.” 

Rafael shrugged and ordered a second scotch. He hunched his shoulders, still staring at the counter. He was beginning to feel slightly buzzed, and the ringing in his ears did nothing to help his mood. He should stop drinking, go home, and go to bed. Instead, he was going to finish his scotch, order another one, and stay in this dingy bar until the sun came up. He looked at the woman again, who was nursing a tequila. He felt lonely, but at least he wasn’t alone. 

***

He found himself in a strange bedroom, his hands entwined in dark hair as the woman from the bar unbuttoned his jeans. Rafael bit her lip as he fumbled with her bra, running his thumbs over her erect nipples through the thin cotton fabric. His jeans were tossed across the room as the woman ran her hands over his chest, underneath his Harvard sweatshirt. She kissed up his jawline and down his neck as her hands slowly traced over his stomach. His sweatshirt soon joined his jeans and Rafael unzipped the woman’s leather skirt, letting it drop to the floor. 

Rafael kissed her again, hungrily, as she slid her hand into his boxers. Taking him in her warm hands, she began to stroke him. He could feel himself getting hard as he guided the woman towards the small bed. It was Rafael’s turn to kiss her neck as he worked his mouth down her body. He ran his tongue over the soft skin between her breasts and the woman sighed, tangling her fingers in his hair. He continued down her body, kissing over her stomach, then her hips, then the inside of her thighs before he began to pleasure her, his tongue dancing over the sensitive spot between her legs. She tightened her grip in his hair as he continued to tease her, bringing her closer to the edge. He could tell she was close, her moans turning into breathless gasps. He moved back up to kiss her again, his tongue exploring her mouth. 

The woman guided him to his back as she straddled his hips, her hands running across his chest and down to his stomach. She lightly traced his shape with her fingernails. His cock strained against his boxers as the woman ground her hips against him, teasing. Rafael whimpered slightly. He wanted--no, he  _ needed _ this-- and the dark-haired woman was drawing it out. His desperation was growing into a frenzy as she finally slid his boxers down to expose his cock. He moaned as she stroked him, running her thumb over the end of his member before taking him into her mouth. He moaned in pleasure and felt himself relax more than he had in ages as she worked her tongue up and down his length. She continued to tease him, bringing him to the edge before backing off. She brought her lips to the inside of his thighs, gently running her fingers up and down his legs. She began kissing his stomach, then his chest, working her way up his body. By the time she reached his lips, Rafael felt as if he’d explode.. He kissed her ravenously, his fingernails digging into her back. Reaching between her legs, he began to stroke her. She bit his lip and guided his hand inside her, moaning when he complied. The woman spread her legs further, inviting him to continue. Rafael could feel her muscles tightening and knew she was close. He grabbed her hips and guided her down to the bed, straddling her. He bit at her collar bone as he entered her and her fingernails raked down the scars on his arms. He thrust into her desperately, going harder and faster as the woman wrapped her legs around his hips and threw her head back against the pillows. She began to rub herself while Rafael moved in and out of her and her muscles clenched around his member as she orgasmed. The feeling of her coming sent him over the edge, and with one final thrust, he came too. 

Rafael collapsed onto the bed, satisfaction immediately turning to regret. He needed this, he told himself. It had been so long, and he was so lonely. How could he have done this to Elizabeth? He felt as if he’d betrayed her. What kind of husband was he? What kind of a man did this sort of thing?

The woman interrupted his thoughts. “I’m Stella, by the way. Stella Johnson.” 

Rafael grunted. “Rafael Barba.” 

“Nice to meet you, Rafael.” 

“Yeah, you too.”


	3. Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael's world is turned upside down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Depictions of injuries/accidents that some readers may find triggering

_ May 10, 2015  _

Maricela was playing with Stuffy in her car seat and Elizabeth was dozing in the passenger seat as Rafael drove the two hours to his mother-in-law’s house. They tried to visit at least once per month, but Elizabeth had been so tired with this pregnancy that she often didn’t feel like making the trip. It was easier to see Rafael’s  _ Mami _ , who lived in the city. It was only fair that they saw Elizabeth’s mother as well. 

Elizabeth stirred beside him. Yawning, she reached out to rub his arm.”I’m sorry love, I didn’t mean to fall asleep and leave you alone to drive.” 

Rafael glanced at his wife. “Darling, you need the rest. You’re creating another person. That’s exhausting work.” 

Elizabeth yawned again. “I’m glad you think so. I’m not sure why I’m so sleepy all the time, I wasn’t this tired when I was pregnant the other times.”

Rafael shrugged, looking in the rearview mirror. The road was relatively quiet, just them in the little rental car and a few other travelers on the road.

“We’ll be there in about 45 minutes if you want to finish your nap.” 

Elizabeth hummed in response, already half asleep. Rafael smiled and glanced back at Maricela, who was holding Stuffy up to look out of the window. She took that llama everywhere. Maricela had been a miracle, conceived after three miscarriages and countless negative pregnancy tests. They’d given up hope of ever having children. Now, three years and two more miscarriages later, they were expecting a little boy. Rafael’s heart swelled with emotion. He never imagined he’d be married or a father. Now here he was, traveling with his wife, child, and unborn baby. 

He slowed to a stop as the traffic light turned red. He actually enjoyed making this trip, especially because his little daughter loved seeing her Gran Gran. It would be their last trip as a family of three. On the next trip, they’d be traveling as a family of four. 

The light turned green and Rafael pressed the accelerator. 

***

Rafael opened his eyes. He felt dizzy, as if someone had hit him in the head. He tried to blink away his double vision as he looked around. Something was wrong. 

His hands dangled above his head and panic set in as he realized he was upside down.

Elizabeth. Maricela.  _ Oh fuck _ .

Rafael tried to turn around, to find his daughter, only to realize he couldn’t move his legs. Scrabbling frantically, he moved the now deflated airbag out of the way and felt the steering wheel pressing down onto his thighs. He was pinned in. 

_ Shit. _

He could see his wife, arms hanging listlessly. She wasn’t moving. 

“Elizabeth? Can you hear me? Oh, shit. Elizabeth? Lizzie, please. Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Elizabeth! Lizzie!” 

No answer.

Rafael’s head throbbed and his vision blurred. He blinked back the blackness dancing at the corners of his vision. Reaching out, he shook his wife’s shoulder. No response. Her head lolled from side to side as he shook her. He could see blood on his wife’s face. Lots of blood. Panic rose with every passing second. Rafael tried to lift the steering wheel. It wouldn’t budge. He couldn’t turn around, and the rearview mirror was gone. 

He called to his daughter, his voice breaking as he desperately yelled her name. 

No answer. 

He tried again to move the steering wheel, with no luck. Rafael’s vision was fading in and out. He shook his head, forcing himself to focus. He had to get out of the seat, to check on Elizabeth and Maricela. Fumbling around, his hand hit the knob to adjust the seat. Would it still work? 

He tried pushing down on the lever. Thankfully, the seat budged ever so slightly. Rafael frantically pumped the lever until the seat was low enough he thought he could wiggle out. He laid the back of the seat down, unbuckled his seatbelt, and steeled himself. Pushing against the steering wheel, he felt his legs move ever so slightly. 

A terrible pain shot through his legs as he tried to pull them from underneath the steering wheel. Gritting his teeth, Rafael tried once again to free himself. His legs moved another inch. Tears stung his eyes as the pain continued to increase with each movement. He thought of Elizabeth’s limp body and continued to push, screaming in pain with each attempt. Finally, after an eternity, he’d freed himself up to his knees. His right leg was screaming in pain and Rafael wanted to pass out. Just a few more inches. 

He tried calling his wife and daughter again. 

No answer. 

Time seemed to slow as Rafael continued to push against the steering wheel. He turned his body to the side, trying to wiggle loose. His right leg didn’t turn with him. 

“Holy shit.” 

Rafael’s right leg hung limply, dangling away from his body at a grotesque angle. Taking a moment to look closer at his leg, he realized that bone was protruding from a hole in the side of his calf. His kneecap had shifted to the side and his thigh was swollen and red. The hole in his leg was bleeding profusely. He instinctively knew not to move anymore or he’d permanently damage what was left of his leg. 

_ Fuck my leg, I need to get to Elizabeth. _

With one final push, Rafael tore his legs from underneath the steering wheel. He screamed in pain as the broken bones ground against each other. He landed on the ceiling of the car, hard. He could feel broken glass slicing into his hands and left knee as he crawled over to his wife. 

“Lizzie, can you hear me? It’s Rafael. I’m going to get you out of here. Just hang on.” 

No answer.

Reaching across his wife, he tried to open the passenger door. It wouldn’t budge. Looking around, he realized they’d have to climb out of the front of the car, where the windshield used to be. Angling around, he used his good leg to kick out the remaining glass from the windshield. He then struggled to a sitting position beside his wife. Her lips were turning blue. He pressed the seat belt release and Elizabeth fell from the seat, landing in his lap. He screamed in pain as her weight settled on his right leg. Wiping the blood from her face, Rafael shook her again. 

“Lizzie, wake up. I need you to help me.” His voice broke. “Oh, God, Lizzie, please.” 

He sucked in a ragged breath between his teeth and positioned himself to drag his wife from the car. He half crawled, half wiggled through the missing windshield, dragging Lizzie with him. The broken glass littering the car continued to cut and scratch at his exposed skin. He managed to get Lizzie out of the car, lying her on the ground as he turned around to go back for his daughter. 

“Oh, my God, are you OK?” 

Rafael turned at the voice. Two women ran over to where he was half lying in the grass. One was on the phone while the other bent down to get a closer look. 

Rafael shook his head. “No, my daughter--she--she’s in the car. My leg--Lizzie--she’s pregnant--I don’t--”

“What’s your daughter’s name?” 

“Maricela. She’s three.” 

The woman nodded and ran towards the shattered remains of the rental car, calling Maricela’s name. 

The other woman, still on the phone, looked as if she wanted nothing more than to vomit. 

“Help is coming, mister.” 

Rafael nodded, turning back towards Elizabeth. She wasn’t moving. Her lips and face were blue and her hands were cold. He forced himself onto his knees and began to weakly press on her chest. He fell to his side and gave his pregnant wife two rescue breaths before struggling to his knees again. He continued the cycle, ignoring the screaming nerves in his leg and the blood dripping down his arms. Rafael knew that if he stopped, he wouldn’t be able to begin again. 

Someone was kneeling beside him, saying something. Rafael couldn’t understand what they were saying, and he frankly didn’t care. The voices around him were muffled and everything was moving in slow motion. He continued to try to push on Elizabeth’s chest, only stopping when he was pushed out of the way. Another man took over compressions. Rafael turned to see a woman in black emerging from the car, holding something. 

Maricela. 

Time seemed to stop completely as Rafael began to crawl towards his daughter. He could feel hands on his body, pulling him back. He tried to fight against them, to get to his child. He called her name, his voice growing weaker with every shout. The hands were stronger than he was. Blackness once again danced at the edges of his vision, threatening to take over. As the hands continued to pull him, his leg screamed in pain and the blackness became harder and harder to fight off. After one final, desperate lunge towards his daughter, Rafael’s world went black. 


	4. Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael receives some news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Brief mention of death

Rafael’s head throbbed. He felt as if he’d been thrown down a flight of a thousand stairs. He knew he should open his eyes and get up--Maricela was likely already awake and Elizabeth needed to rest, but his head _hurt_.

Rafael forced his eyes open with a sharp hiss of pain. The room was bright and everything smelled like disinfectant, making his headache worse. His wife must have been cleaning in the middle of the night again, something she liked to do when she couldn’t sleep. He reached out to touch her, only to grab...a bed rail? 

Something wasn’t right. 

Rafael forced himself to open his eyes wider and look around. He was in a strange room, surrounded by bright lights and…

“Olivia?" Rafael’s voice was a rasp.

“Hey, Rafe. How are you feeling?” She asked gently, concern etched on the woman’s face. 

“Like shit. My head hurts.” He looked around again. The rest of the SVU squad was there as well. Fin, Amanda, and Carisi crowded around the bed, their eyebrows knit together like Olivia’s. 

“What’s going on? Where am I? Where’s Elizabeth?” The words scratched his raw throat and he coughed, bringing a spasm of pain across his chest. 

Carisi silently handed him a cup of water. Rafael took it wordlessly and began to drink. 

“Hey Counselor, small sips. You don’t wanna drink too much, too fast, the nurse said.” 

“The nurse?” Rafael looked around once more, taking in his surroundings. He was in a bed in a small room. The window was open, providing the bright light that was exacerbating his headache. He could see a small counter with a sink and mirror, a smaller wardrobe-like cabinet, and a tray table in the corner of the room. The other corner held an ugly plastic armchair. He looked down at himself. He was lying in a bed, dressed in a hospital gown. His arms and chest were covered with bandages and his right leg was in a cast from toes to thigh. The toes peeking out of the top of the cast were swollen and purple. He realized that some of the pain he attributed to his headache was coming from his leg. 

Panicked, Rafael glanced at Olivia for reassurance. “Olivia, what happened? Where’s my wife? Where’s Maricela?” He tried to sit up, only to collapse back onto the pillow when a wave of nausea, accompanied by pain, washed over him. Olivia looked as if she was holding back tears. Her expression sent a fresh wave of panic through Rafael. The heart rate monitor began to beep erratically. 

“Olivia, tell me. What’s going on? Where’s Elizabeth?” 

Olivia Benson, his best friend and confidant, took a shaky breath before taking his hand. 

“Rafael, you were on the way to see Elizabeth’s mother, remember?” 

He nodded. “I take it that we never made it there.” 

“Do you remember anything?” 

Rafael scrunched his face, thinking. “The last thing I remember, we were in the rental car when Elizabeth woke up from her nap. I told her we were almost there, then--holy shit. _Holy shit._ Oh, fuck _._ There was an accident--it was _bad,_ we were upside down--Olivia, I need to find Elizabeth. Where is she? Is she OK? What about my daughter? Is Maricela here? Is the baby OK? Please, tell me they’re OK.” Rafael’s voice broke and he closed his eyes again, fighting back tears. “Where’s my family?” 

“Barba, you were pretty seriously hurt. Don’t you want to hear about your injuries?” Amanda asked, avoiding eye contact. 

“No, I want to see my wife. Is she in another room?” 

“Rafael, um, I really didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but…” Olivia took his hands in hers. Rafael shook his head as if he could change the outcome. He closed his eyes, bracing for what he knew was coming. Tears were already beginning to stream down his face. 

“Please, God, no, not my family. Olivia, tell me they’re OK.” 

“I’m so sorry, Rafael, but Elizabeth and Maricela and the baby--they didn’t make it.”


End file.
